Jun 17 2009
I’ll be happy when…
I’m sure you’ve heard it, maybe even said it yourself: “I’ll be happy when…”
How the line ends depends on the situation…
“… when the move is over and done with and we’re settled again.”
“… when the inspection is finished and we can all get back to normal.”
“… if only they’d just stop fighting for a moment.”
“… they’re old enough to go to school and I can just get back to work.”
“… this job is done and we can start looking for something new.”
“… we’ve found the house/car/holiday that suits and just get on with it.”
“… next year comes and I can retire and have done with them!”
The very words betray the truth. I’ll be happy when…
We are delaying our happiness until some point in the future.
At first glance it might seem that the future event will be the cause or trigger of our happiness, but is that true? Does someone or something else really hold that power over our emotions?
What if we could be happy now, in the present, in the middle of whatever situation we find ourselves in?
Sure we might still look forward to the future while allowing ourselves to enjoy the present… but is that what “I’ll be happy when…” is about?
Are we denying ourselves the experience of happiness in this moment? Do we need to give ourselves permission to feel happy right now?
Now maybe you’re saying to yourself “But that’s ridiculous. How could I possibly be happy right now, I’ve just lost my job/received notification of a school inspection/got another totally unreasonable deadline to work to?”…
Now I can’t deny the reality of your current situation but, whatever or wherever you find yourself, how does being unhappy help you?
I’m not suggesting you should feel hysterically ecstatic but, can you be open to the possiblity of accepting whatever the moment has brought you? And what if I were to wave a magic wand and make you feel happy right now without changing anything else… how would that feel? (Relax! I don’t actually have a magic wand!!)
So how does being unhappy help?
Perhaps being unhappy gives you permission to act stressed and let off steam, to stomp about so that other people will notice they’ve upset you or to be the martyr that everybody will admire in adversity. Maybe being unhappy is your way of publicly expressing your grief or your feelings, a signal to others to give you some space or provide some support?
So could you do this more effectively if you chose not to be unhappy, if you allowed yourself to feel and to show contentment, acceptance and then take the actions you need to bring about change.
So if you’re doing what you’re doing right now in order to be happy when… give yourself a break and choose to be happy now. You’ll find that whatever you’re trying to achieve becomes much more attainable or maybe much less important.
